Monday, October 31, 2011


When driving on the highway be mindful of guardrails. What exactly is a guardrail?Guardrail is a system designed to keep people or vehicles from (in most cases unintentionally) straying into dangerous or off-limits areas. Basically these rails prevent us from falling off of a bridge, mountain sides, or any area of danger.(taken from wikipedia) Let's look at GUARD RAILS with a different definition: Personal standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience. The apostle Peter wrote in Ephesians, "Be very careful how you live and walk. Be wise in making the most out of every moment". Be intentional, because your days are numbered. One isn't sure when it will be his/her time to meet the maker.

All of us have a tendency to play on the edge of chaos, but would you play on the edge of a cliff without guardrails? Most of us would answer no, but there may be a few dare devils out there. Where is the line in your life? If you are on the edge of a cliff without guardrails you are flirting with disaster. Each of us has set a personal standard for our lives. If a married man goes into a bar (Females/Males in bar? while he is out of town and orders a drink at the bar and then begins to order another drink, what is he doing? If a married woman gets all dressed up in a low cut dress and decides she wants to go out with the girls and go dancing while her husband is out of town(Females/Males in bar), what is she doing? If an alcoholic has been sober for one month and decides he wants to go to a bar with his friends who all drink, what is he doing? FLIRTING WITH DISASTER! We've all flirted with disaster in some form.

I guess the reason I wrote this particular blog is because in my past, I've flirted with disaster and all it got me was SICK! Our conscience speaks to us, we've all set a certain standard for our life and when we chose to go outside of those standards, we are sadly so disappointed and regretful. I'm far from perfect but I know I don't have to live a life of regret, AMEN.

ref: Andy Stanley (Guardrails)

Note to self: I HAVE NO REGRETS, NOW

Picture 1:
Picture 2:

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" ~Ghandi

Monday, October 24, 2011

Passion, Art, Interpretation - Chagall

As a young child I was always fascinated by art, it moved my spirit and rocked my soul. When I see a painting that I can relate to I feel like the painter knows a part of my soul. I have often asked my friends who are artists if I could use their work to describe my poetry or writing. When I first started writing I needed a visual to go along with my emotion of the written word. I found that if I had a painting to describe the way I felt it would become a complete piece. I was first introduced to Marc Chagall, Russian born "Magical Realism" painter by an old boyfriend who fell in love with his work. Chagall was said to have painted from his dreams. He was a man surrounded by many poets and artists in his time

"Chagall – Masterpieces 1908-1922 takes as its theme the most significant and permanently telling years of this great painter. It is Chagall's early work that most deeply affected artists and public: the stories from the Shtetl, the magical-rhapsodic world of Mother Russia, captured in thrillingly expressive painting that casts a spell over his contemporaries and their descendants alike."
taken from

I'm not going to write the titles of his works of art, you tell me what the title should be. What do you see in this work of art?
What does the movement and the colors say about this artists? Even if you think it's terrible I would love to read it what you have to say.

I would love to learn more about other artists, who's your favorite painter, sculptor, designer?

Paintings link:


Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Codependent/The Alcoholic

My Art Therapy - Freedom from Codependency

Someone once told me I was codependent, ok I'll buy into it. What is a codependent? I did a tad bid research, wow not much research since I linked Wikipedia: Before meeting my amazing husband I was married to two alcoholics. Apparently I attract alcoholics, not sure why? Perhaps they are attracted to my robitical, people pleasing nature.

Here are some truths that I'm willing to admit about my past or challenges I'm still working on:

1. I have difficulty identifying what I'm feeling. (Still not sure if it's ok to have the feeling I have at times)
2. I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel. (Years of practice, could be due to my "HERO" child Persona)
3. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others. (At times, yes, I feel like I've done this all of my life)
4. I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others. (So totally not true of me but it was on the list)
5. I can take care of myself without any help from others. (Heck yeah! I think so at times but know this is far from true)
6. I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation. (ISOLATION-LOVE THAT WORD)
7. I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
8. I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.(yes, this was true of my first marriage which is the only other marriage I count, second one isn't really worth the mention)

Low self-esteem patterns:

1. I have difficulty making decisions. (Oh my, how true)
2. I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."(Yes, sometimes I have to say, guilty)
3. I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts. (Well, not always)
4. I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires. (So difficult for me!)
5. I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own. (Not all the way true)
6. I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person. (At times, no, at times, yes)
7. I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve. (Not really constantly)
8. I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake. (I can admit I made mistakes, in fact, I'm ready to tackle in progress)
9. I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good. (I prefer to be right but not necessary)
10. I perceive myself as superior to others. (So not true of me!)
11. I look to others to provide my sense of safety. (Yes, at times)
12. I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects. (So totally true)
13. I have trouble setting healthy priorities. (Oh Yeah, I'm black and white, all or nothing. I have difficulty staying in the grey area)

Avoidance patterns:

1. I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.. (At times, I have)
2. I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation. (Not so much anymore)
3. I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery. (I truly prefer select few deep, connected relationships)
4, I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
5. I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away. (At times, I have)
6. I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than me. (Not true anymore)
7. I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness. (SO NOT TRUE OF ME)
8. I withhold expressions of appreciation. (SO NOT TRUE OF ME, I probably appreciate too much)

After taking a SELF INVENTORY of my challenges, struggles, and lack thereof I came to the conclusion that I've been pegged as CODEPENDANT, but I choose not to succumb to the stereotype. Although, it's an awakening to my past life and my new life, it's not who I AM. In this psychological, analyzed life we choose who we are, who we hope to be, and who we strive not to be. I'm so fortunate that I don't have to live the life of a CODEPENDANT, no longer surrounded by the needy alcoholic. I have several friends who attend AA and have faced their demons and continue to do so. I applaud the many alcoholics who've embraced the program and continue to work the steps. I tried to be an alcoholic, plain and simple, I'm just not. I do however face the struggles of a codependent or so they say. I continue to take a personal inventory of my life and work steps as a recovering codependent. I think I took on the characteristics as a child, being the "Perfect Child" to both parents.

Second Chance lyrics
Songwriters: Bassett, Dave Richard; Smith, Brent;

My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out today

I just saw Haley's Comet, she waved
Said, "Why are you always running in place?" (Can totally relate to this line)
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere

Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today

I just saw Haley's Comet, she waved
Said, "Why are you always running in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"

Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Here is my chance
This is my chance

Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Truth is I love complex people with depth and many alcoholics are just that. Many of them if had a choice wouldn't drink. It's not the drink; it's what leads them to the drink. No expert on the subject, just observation!

Other site for Codependency:

Note to self: Personal Inventory can be for everyone
Note to reader: Thank you for reading, please feel free to comment, I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject

Nature - Rejuvenate Your Spirit

My husband and I took off for a weekend of Solitude and Rest and Relaxation. Nature truly moves my spirit in so many ways. Solitude and Peace Rejuvenates me creatively and spiritually. This week my husband was off of work and I realized how much of a creature of habit I was. I love being alone and having my little routine at home. I love my husband dearly and I love spending time with him but, when my daily routine was disturbed I was quite irritated. How horrible I thought to myself? My husband the "all knowing" when it comes to my moods and mannerism said, "honey why don't you just admit it, you like being alone".

How true, I love being alone and writing, painting, listening to my Brazilian/Spanish music, taking a nice hot bath, and watching a little television. This former DRIVEN Junkie is at PEACE, Revelation! After reading, "THE KID IN THE FRONT ROW" blog this past week, I pondered many things in my life.
Yes, I'm not a big fan of several people, if I could choose the type of individuals to be surrounded by it would be Artsy, Unmaterialistic types who thrive on discovery. Another preference to the human race is the NERD TYPE, full of information and always available as a handy encyclopedia, you know the "BIG BANG THEORY" type. I'm also quite a fan of Europeans, perhaps not all Europeans but absolutely Italians. You know the ones who take life really, really slow. Note to self: The LONE SAIL

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Book Begins.......

Have you ever felt like you were truly called to do something? Knowing your calling is half the battle, actually doing what we are called to do is the ultimate challenge. Have you ever traveled down the same road at least three times taking different routes only to find yourself at the same point where you started? My LIVE travels have taken me down that inevitable DEAD END many times but I chose to plow down the field and find new paths. Yes, I have taken the road less traveled too many times to recall. The stars are aligned, the calling apparent, and a New Journey is at hand. No longer blinded by the Sun I see my vision and my goal.

Just as Jesus chose to cover the Blind Beggar's eyes with mud and AWAKEN him to the LIGHT, He has chosen me for this path I call, "Journey Of A Creative Mind". I have found my purpose through Self Discovery and My Higher Power which I chose to call GOD. In finding PURPOSE we find out who we are and why we are HERE and what we were created to do.
"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree." ~The Purpose Driven Life. Make no mistake; I've searched for what I ultimately call God through many paths and avenues. I'm not one to be "Holier than Thou", but I do find comfort in knowing I'm part of a BIGGER PICTURE. I won't bore you with the long sob story, but it's a miracle that I'm ALIVE. God (Higher Power) made sure I was saved from the depths of my despair and I'm alive to tell my story. I guess that is what this blog is about, this is my PURPOSE to share my inner peace, challenges, trials, tribulations, and triumphs.

Thank you first and foremost to GOD for never leaving my side and for my mother's unconditional love. My mother always knew I had a gift, little did she know truly what that was. This former people pleasing cheerleader now truly has something to cheer about, the gift of self-expression through the written word. I feel like a young girl taking her first Ferris wheel ride, ready to go round and round.

After reading this month's addition of The Oprah Magazine, "What I know for sure: There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive." quotes Oprah. Here is a quote Oprah uses by Mechthild of Magdeburg, a medieval mystic: "A fish cannot drown in water. A bird does not fall in air. Each creature God made must live in its own true nature." Funny thing is that most of my life I've felt I was living in my True Element of Nature but I only ventured down that road only to turn around. Most of my adolescence, teen, and adult life I was doing what I thought everyone expected of me. How awful, to live a life that you thought others wanted you to live. Reaching my adult years I was a successful marketing and sales representative and truth be told I was miserable. I wasn't a true salesperson; I was more of a motivator (Cheerleader) and a team player who was happy making everyone else's dreams come true, what a pity.

Read this piece ~TAKEN FROM: Mark Nepo's Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

"Part of the blessing and challenge of being human is that we must discover our own true God-given nature. This is not some noble, abstract quest but an inner necessity. For only by living in our own element can we thrive without anxiety. And since human beings are the only life form that can drown and still go to work, the only species that can fall from the sky and still fold laundry, it is imperative that we find that vital element that brings us alive... the true vitality that waits beneath all occupations for us to tap into, if we can discover what we love. If you feel energy and excitement and a sense that life is happening for the first time, you are probably near your God-given nature. Joy in what we do is not an added feature; it is a sign of deep health."

Words well spoken! Well, as for my title of this blog, "The Book Begins", I'm putting my goal out there! I was given a journal by a dear friend of mine when I was 16 and since then I haven't stopped writing. When I write I'm at home in my Garden of Creation, my TRUE NATURE. When I write, I find purpose in the world, my God, and the human nature of others.

Many years ago a dear friend painted this painting that is posted when we’re blogging on Yahoo 360. I was immediately drawn to this wonderful masterpiece, because I saw ME. This is who I wanted to be, naked, uninhibited on my journey and at peace with the world. This is the cover of my book.

The Book Begins.........

note to self: You are a writer
note to reader: I need an editor

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