Thursday, September 29, 2011
God forbid you leave me with a blow torch, wood, and steel who knows what I would come up with. I like BIG Projects, I always have. I guess that's the Blue Collar coming out in me, a member of the Family that knows with a little hard work and sweat you can get the job done well. I have to say I've seen my share of brilliant minds wasted. My father, one of the most intelligent people I knew chose to take the safer route and take care of his family the good old fashion way. Ok, why all this thought behind a Hallloween decoration? As I get older, wiser, and of course smater I realize I haven't used my Left Brain/Right Brain most of my life. As children, even as adults we have the power to block our minds from thought. Being a former MIND BLOCKER I can attest to the undiscovered knowledge yet to be brought to surface. Ok, we'll safe this for another blog.
Note to reader: Why don't they have spellcheck and grammar check on BLOGGER???
Note to self: A mind is a terrible thing to waste, LEFT BRAIN OR RIGHT BRAIN
Monday, September 26, 2011
If you were given the task of painting your childhood on canvas, what would we see or what would you see? Would your colors be bright and happy? Would your painting be BLACK and WHITE, no coloring outside the lines? Would your trees be purple and your skies orange? Would you not attempt the task? Would you prefer to pass? Would you even be true to what your childhood really was? Would your painting be magical and fairytale like?
This is my childhood, or the childhood I see NOW! The many strokes it has taken me to get to this canvas the human eye cannot see. The black and white of it no longer defines my world, drifiting into dreams at times but holding steadfast to the Journey at hand.
note to self: Paint, Paint, Paint
note to reader: If you have a childhood painting you would like to share I would love to see it, or hey even a DOODLE
Friday, September 23, 2011
Some people enjoy digging up pain, they relish in it! As for me, if I've overcome something it's time for me to move on. There must be peace after you've walked through that pain. If you're not at Peace with who you are and where you've come from, perhaps more work needs to be done. I can say that although my life is far from PERFECT, I'm at peace with who I AM, sadly not many people can say that. My believe in God allowed me to be at PEACE with Me, Myself, and I. Wow, it feels so DAMN GOOD! Finally I don't have to have that BIG ass boxing glove punching me in the face. Yes, I have plowed down many fields to make my own path, but I still found my destination and I walk on that path today. With God by my side, carrying me at times, taking my head out of the clouds and standing on my foundation. The Warrior at battle sometimes, but able to FIGHT. Many of us don't know who we are battling at times, but when you battle yourself there is sure to be DEEP DESTRUCTION! Finding my PURPOSE and knowing who I AM releases me from BONDAGE. I'm GOD'S CHILD, I'm a WONDERFUL WIFE AND MOTHER, I'm WEIRD, I'm A NERD, I'm GIFTED, I'm always for the UNDERDOG, I'm A WRITER, I'm A POET, I'm A PAINTER, I'm A JEWELRY DESIGNER, I'm NOT MISUNDERSTOOD!
note to reader: I'm a horrible at spelling and I've lost some of my grammar skills so bare with me on my journey
note to self: Affirmation Are Good For The Soul
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Work of Art by: Pablo Picasso later work 1932, "Girl Befor A Mirror"
Picasso's later cubist works introduce more color and pattern than his experimental earlier period. During this time Picasso and Matisse were perhaps influencing each other in their works. The two artists are described as having "a friendly rivalry".
As Fall Enters into my conscience
I find my memories reverting to days gone by
Happy Moments, Familiar Faces, and Open Places
The Sun is on the horizon, leaves are turning
The chill of the breeze touches my face
And I know I'm Home Again
Home to the days we held hands and you smiled as I shined
Daddy's little girl, Proud Papa
Those were the days I knew you loved me
Sitting on Grandma's lap your heart beamed
My heritage all in one room, admiration began
note to self: It's great to recall the good times being Daddy's Little Girl
note to reader: I started this poem of sorts but lack the courage to develop it at this time
Monday, September 19, 2011
My mind in battle with my heart's navigator
My courage steers me closer to my destination
My soul awakens to the beauty I yearn to see
My Love, you're faithfulness is the Rock I stand upon
My Heart pours out into the oceans of many
My Victory, my voyage, conqueror of undiscovered land
Survivor and Champion because I BELIEVE
Note to reader: Feel free to do an add-on I love to see what lines others chose to add to another's work.
Note of painting: Link added, for wonderful artist
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I had to admit some COLD HARD FACTS about the person that I've been. This past year I've been truly PISSED OFF AT GOD. After being married to the Love of My Life and truly finding happiness I was injured of all things by my chiropractor. I then began the roller coaster ride of trying to find a cure for my severe pain. I saw Doctors, Physical Therapist, More Doctors, and then finally a Neurosurgeon. After countless pain medications, steroid injections, and many sleepless nights I had arrived at the inevitable, Surgery. I didn't admit it to myself then but I can admit it now, I was truly PISSED OFF AT GOD. I dare He put me in this situation, in pain, unable to sleep at times, basically a useless person to myself and to my family. An additional note my father was basically a vegetable waiting to die and yes he did all in this, "YEAR OF PAIN". Oh let's not forget to add to the "YEAR OF PAIN", my daughter had another surgery to move her pacemaker. As I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself, how did I make it through? I wanted to control the God I knew. I wanted my way, my time, my happiness, and all of that seemed like a dream that I would be unable to reach. I had married a wonderful man and my family was complete. I had a long list in my head of the person I thought I had to be, the PERFECT WIFE, the perfect HOUSEKEEPER, the perfect MOTHER, and the perfect COOK. Needless to say I could barely make it through some days, so I felt short of who I had to be. Too many " I's" can get you in trouble, God doesn't expect us to carry the weight of the world, that's His Job. (Thank Goodness)
If God doesn't do I's, what does God really do? God does what He wants to do! I have NO CONTROL OVER GOD and neither do any of us. I had somehow lost my way through the pain and was focused more on the " I's" than the one above. All I could see were the things that I couldn't do, for myself and for everyone that I loved. I truly realized how much pride I had in this year of pain. It was so difficult to let my husband do all the things I was supposed to do. He cooked, cleaned, and waited on me when I could barely move. In my mind I was supposed to be the one doing everything. Again, God had other plans, he showed me the meaning of a true loving relationship. My husband was being of service to me and taking care of me, something quite foreign to me at times in my life. When we married we vowed to serve one another for the rest of our lives. I guess I wasn't expecting to be the one who was primarily on the receiving end of that vow for the past year. My husband has loved and served me more than anyone has in my whole entire life.
In this YEAR OF PAIN,(we will call it) God has shown me HIS PURE AND TRUE LOVE. Truth is all of the pain and the trials and tribulations that I had in this year were necessary. Anyone who truly knows me knows that I'm not the "POOR ME" type of person, in fact my husband might say that I'm the Warrior Type. I've trained myself to be tough, I can still hear my mom saying to me, "Your Tough, You can handle Anything". I've been the warrior ready for battle adorned with A suit of armor, my breastplate protecting my fragile heart and my bucket like helmet to shield my mind. Let’s not forget the mighty sword always handy to ward off the demons. My Medieval Knight/Warrior was always ready for battle, believing she was so protected by shielding herself. God broke me free from this Heavy Shield of Armor and he continues to amaze me, more and more each day. Looking back I can't believe I was so angry at God and my circumstances.
As a child I thought I could control my parents being happy, my friends being happy, and my world being happy. In Psychology, we call this type of child, the HERO Child. The problem with being the "HERO" child is that we weigh the whole weight of the world on our shoulders. We think we provide the self worth for the whole family and we can keep everyone from knowing our horrible secrets. We are responsible for "Our Family Life" being happy and joyous. We make sure and do everything right so that everyone is happy. We experience feelings of guilt and inadequacy which we cover up by overachieving and people pleasing. My sister was "The Bad Seed”, so of course I had to be the "Good Seed". I was a child living with adult responsibilities and stresses and I always thought I could make things better, and I kept on trying. I had to be perfect, I had to be the best, I had to be the one who didn't drink and didn't have fun like my sister did. If you recall, "I was tough, I could handle anything" as my mother use to tell me. Being the HERO for both parents is and was completely exhausting. I no longer have to live like that, I no longer have to be perfect, because in God's eyes I'm wonderful the way I am scars and all.
(Much of the information about the hero child was taken from this website: http://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pageforty.html)
With both of my parents six feet under it's time to hang up my sword and take off my coat of armor. This guarded little 16 year old chooses to hang up her "Hero" hat and put on the hat I was meant to wear. My hat is made of sun kissed flowers and adorned with the green of the earth. I have entered the human race as a 43 year old woman who still has so much to learn about who she truly is and all the splendors of Life.
God never gave up on me, he was holding my hand and carrying me through out my life. It's only now that I'm FREE, FREE TO BE ME. It's almost as if I were a prisoner set free after many years of solitary confinement. I continue this Journey of the Creative Mind and I look forward to the work God wants me to do.
Note to self: it's amazing to wake up and realize I'm FREE
Picture Taken From: http://vi.sualize.us/artissimo/art,sketch/?waterflow