My Art Therapy - Freedom from Codependency
Someone once told me I was
codependent, ok I'll buy into it.
What is a codependent? I did a tad bid research, wow not much research since I linked Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency. Before meeting my amazing husband I was married to two alcoholics. Apparently I attract alcoholics, not sure why? Perhaps they are attracted to my robitical, people pleasing nature.
Here are some truths that I'm willing to admit about my past or challenges I'm still working on:
1. I have difficulty identifying what I'm feeling. (Still not sure if it's ok to have the feeling I have at times)
2. I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel. (Years of practice, could be due to my "HERO" child Persona)
3. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others. (At times, yes, I feel like I've done this all of my life)
4. I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others. (So totally not true of me but it was on the list)
5. I can take care of myself without any help from others. (Heck yeah! I think so at times but know this is far from true)
6. I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or
isolation. (ISOLATION-LOVE THAT WORD)
7. I express negativity or aggression in
indirect and passive ways.
8. I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.(yes, this was true of my first marriage which is the only other marriage I count, second one isn't really worth the mention)
Low self-esteem patterns:
1. I have difficulty making decisions. (Oh my, how true)
2. I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."(Yes, sometimes I have to say, guilty)
3. I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts. (Well, not always)
4. I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires. (So difficult for me!)
5. I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own. (Not all the way true)
6. I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person. (At times, no, at times, yes)
7. I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve. (Not really constantly)
8. I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake. (I can admit I made mistakes, in fact, I'm ready to tackle problems....work in progress)
9. I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good. (I prefer to be right but not necessary)
10. I perceive myself as superior to others. (So not true of me!)
11. I look to others to provide my sense of safety. (Yes, at times)
12. I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects. (So totally true)
13. I have trouble setting healthy priorities. (Oh Yeah, I'm black and white, all or nothing. I have difficulty staying in the grey area)
Avoidance patterns:
1. I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.. (At times, I have)
2. I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation. (Not so much anymore)
3. I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery. (I truly prefer select few deep, connected relationships)
4, I
suppress my feelings or needs to avoid
feeling vulnerable.
5. I pull people toward me, but when they get close,
I push them away. (At times, I have)
6. I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than me. (Not true anymore)
7. I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness. (SO NOT TRUE OF ME)
8. I withhold expressions of appreciation. (SO NOT TRUE OF ME, I probably appreciate too much)
After taking a SELF INVENTORY of my challenges, struggles, and lack thereof I came to the conclusion that I've been pegged as CODEPENDANT, but I choose not to succumb to the stereotype. Although, it's an awakening to my past life and my new life, it's not who I AM. In this psychological, analyzed life we choose who we are, who we hope to be, and who we strive not to be. I'm so fortunate that I don't have to live the life of a CODEPENDANT, no longer surrounded by the needy alcoholic. I have several friends who attend AA and have faced their demons and continue to do so. I applaud the many alcoholics who've embraced the program and continue to work the steps. I tried to be an alcoholic, plain and simple, I'm just not. I do however face the struggles of a codependent or so they say. I continue to take a personal inventory of my life and work steps as a recovering codependent. I think I took on the characteristics as a child, being the "Perfect Child" to both parents.
Second Chance lyrics
Songwriters: Bassett, Dave Richard; Smith, Brent;
My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out today
I just saw Haley's Comet, she waved
Said, "Why are you always running in place?" (Can totally relate to this line)
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere
Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today
I just saw Haley's Comet, she waved
Said, "Why are you always running in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"
Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Here is my chance
This is my chance
Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/shinedown-lyrics/second-chance-lyrics.html)
Truth is I love complex people with depth and many alcoholics are just that. Many of them if had a choice wouldn't drink. It's not the drink; it's what leads them to the drink. No expert on the subject, just observation!
Other site for Codependency: http://www.addictionz.com/codependency.htm
Note to self: Personal Inventory can be for everyone
Note to reader: Thank you for reading, please feel free to comment, I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject
