Children Need Our Time (2nd day of Committment)

Today, I took the opportunity to Be a KID with my wonderful KID, Chloe Marie. First we bought one of those outdoor kiddy pools that she basically could sit in and jump in a little. She had a ball as I watched her swishing around and making bold expression, "Look at me Mom, I'm splashing around and I can hold the water hose to fill the pool back up." I wanted to have front row seats to this amazing show, so I brought my lounge chair and set up camp. It's amazing how little attention our children really need, but we find it so difficult to give even 10 minutes. After our pool event we hit the showers in order to prepare for our next event of the day.

I made sure the Wardrobe and makeup were ready for OUR STAR of the day. This Star prefers doing her own hair and makeup because she likes it just so. First there was the girl with flowers in her hair, the Queen, the Hawaiian Hula Girl, and the Rock star. I shot at least 100 pictures of my little Star and afterwards I made a movie which I'm still trying to add music to. She had such an awesome day and when we laid down tonight to say our prayers she said. "Mommy I had the best day, can we do that again?" Yes, I had more than 10 minutes with my Chloe but WOW, what a great day!

note to self: even if my journal isn't read it feels so GREAT to write
I'm proud of myself; I've made it to the 2nd day.

Walk Through The Hurt and The Pain - Not As We, As Me

Alanis Morissette - Not As We

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain

Unsure unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand

Feign brave with steel intent
little and hardly here

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
with not much making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If God's taking bets
I pray He wants to lose

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we

http://youtu.be/1pOjcAiMZO4

Link To Video



These lyrics means so very much to me, especially now that I'm recovering from neck surgery. I have started over so many times in my life drifting from bad memories to present and not making sense at all. I have been haunted from the past, "AS WE" resembles that dark child for me, as you can see in the video she is stroking herself this symbolizes the dark child. I'm not sure how many times I've been faced with dreadful thoughts and pains that no human being should have to go through. I never truly saw myself as a victim or martyr I felt like a Warrior or a Survivor. Many times I was lost, but God always FOUND ME, or should I say I found GOD AGAIN, and AGAIN.

You can't run from pain, you have to face it head on and walk through it. Oh my, how long has it taken me to realize this? GOD is the only ONE who has shown me this, but I'm grateful God sends us these wonderful people called HUMAN ANGELS. My human angel is my husband who has stood by my side through the trials and the tribulations, the highs and the lows, the sadness and the happiness. He made me realize I have to FACE it and he was right there with me holding my hand and God was holding the other one.
I have so much gratitude for MY LIFE exactly where I AM. God knows our hearts and he knows them so well.