Resurrected, Alive, and Living

 

 

 

 

Awaken to the war that you mapped out and strategically placed bridges
The JOY that surrounds this once martyr that lived in darkness
The Soul was destined for LOVE
Looking back living once in a world of tragedy became second nature
The reality of LOVE and the affect he has within your core
People, places, and times connected and joined by one another
Replayed faces and feelings that churn the broken spirit
Lifting the LIGHT all around me
Not without pain and mourning but Death becomes LIFE
The life He always wanted me to LIVE
Don't run from prejudice, fighting for HUMAN equality
Random thoughts encase the mind but I know the MIND was conditioned
The True Spirit of our SOUL was never taken from us
We surrendered to the darkness and we had to find the LIGHT
Enter into the purpose of life and the LOVE we never lost
The souls and hearts that have surrounded me all of my life
HERE I am....Right HERE.....Standing Firm Lord
I have the SWORD and I'm in full attire to testify
I am in your Creation and a part of You living in me The Trinity awakens
My slumber in the darkness
ALIVE, pulse, heartbeat, soul, and Light shinning so brightly
The body that I reside in your Holy Temple
You sent me angels, prophets, preachers, and World Prayer
Welcome to My Life, The evil one knows he can't win, for my Heart was always yours
My safe haven, the boat will not sink, the tide will not give rise to the passengers
The sea is parted by your LIFE, your resurrection, and your Infinite Love
Thank you God
I love you

GUARDRAILS - FLIRTING WITH DANGER

When driving on the highway be mindful of guardrails. What exactly is a guardrail?Guardrail is a system designed to keep people or vehicles from (in most cases unintentionally) straying into dangerous or off-limits areas. Basically these rails prevent us from falling off of a bridge, mountain sides, or any area of danger.(taken from wikipedia) Let's look at GUARD RAILS with a different definition: Personal standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience. The apostle Peter wrote in Ephesians, "Be very careful how you live and walk. Be wise in making the most out of every moment". Be intentional, because your days are numbered. One isn't sure when it will be his/her time to meet the maker.

All of us have a tendency to play on the edge of chaos, but would you play on the edge of a cliff without guardrails? Most of us would answer no, but there may be a few dare devils out there. Where is the line in your life? If you are on the edge of a cliff without guardrails you are flirting with disaster. Each of us has set a personal standard for our lives. If a married man goes into a bar (Females/Males in bar? while he is out of town and orders a drink at the bar and then begins to order another drink, what is he doing? If a married woman gets all dressed up in a low cut dress and decides she wants to go out with the girls and go dancing while her husband is out of town(Females/Males in bar), what is she doing? If an alcoholic has been sober for one month and decides he wants to go to a bar with his friends who all drink, what is he doing? FLIRTING WITH DISASTER! We've all flirted with disaster in some form.

I guess the reason I wrote this particular blog is because in my past, I've flirted with disaster and all it got me was SICK! Our conscience speaks to us, we've all set a certain standard for our life and when we chose to go outside of those standards, we are sadly so disappointed and regretful. I'm far from perfect but I know I don't have to live a life of regret, AMEN.

ref: Andy Stanley (Guardrails)
http://www.christianmarriagespice.com/sermon-andy-stanley-guardrails-why-cant-we-be-friends/

Note to reader: BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE INSIDE AND OUT
Note to self: I HAVE NO REGRETS, NOW

Picture 1: http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/new-york/nyc/verrazano-bridg
Picture 2: http://russellhylton.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-friendthe-guardrail-part-2.html


"Be the change you wish to see in the world" ~Ghandi

The Book Begins.......

Have you ever felt like you were truly called to do something? Knowing your calling is half the battle, actually doing what we are called to do is the ultimate challenge. Have you ever traveled down the same road at least three times taking different routes only to find yourself at the same point where you started? My LIVE travels have taken me down that inevitable DEAD END many times but I chose to plow down the field and find new paths. Yes, I have taken the road less traveled too many times to recall. The stars are aligned, the calling apparent, and a New Journey is at hand. No longer blinded by the Sun I see my vision and my goal.

Just as Jesus chose to cover the Blind Beggar's eyes with mud and AWAKEN him to the LIGHT, He has chosen me for this path I call, "Journey Of A Creative Mind". I have found my purpose through Self Discovery and My Higher Power which I chose to call GOD. In finding PURPOSE we find out who we are and why we are HERE and what we were created to do.
"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree." ~The Purpose Driven Life. Make no mistake; I've searched for what I ultimately call God through many paths and avenues. I'm not one to be "Holier than Thou", but I do find comfort in knowing I'm part of a BIGGER PICTURE. I won't bore you with the long sob story, but it's a miracle that I'm ALIVE. God (Higher Power) made sure I was saved from the depths of my despair and I'm alive to tell my story. I guess that is what this blog is about, this is my PURPOSE to share my inner peace, challenges, trials, tribulations, and triumphs.

Thank you first and foremost to GOD for never leaving my side and for my mother's unconditional love. My mother always knew I had a gift, little did she know truly what that was. This former people pleasing cheerleader now truly has something to cheer about, the gift of self-expression through the written word. I feel like a young girl taking her first Ferris wheel ride, ready to go round and round.

After reading this month's addition of The Oprah Magazine, "What I know for sure: There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive." quotes Oprah. Here is a quote Oprah uses by Mechthild of Magdeburg, a medieval mystic: "A fish cannot drown in water. A bird does not fall in air. Each creature God made must live in its own true nature." Funny thing is that most of my life I've felt I was living in my True Element of Nature but I only ventured down that road only to turn around. Most of my adolescence, teen, and adult life I was doing what I thought everyone expected of me. How awful, to live a life that you thought others wanted you to live. Reaching my adult years I was a successful marketing and sales representative and truth be told I was miserable. I wasn't a true salesperson; I was more of a motivator (Cheerleader) and a team player who was happy making everyone else's dreams come true, what a pity.

Read this piece ~TAKEN FROM: Mark Nepo's Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

"Part of the blessing and challenge of being human is that we must discover our own true God-given nature. This is not some noble, abstract quest but an inner necessity. For only by living in our own element can we thrive without anxiety. And since human beings are the only life form that can drown and still go to work, the only species that can fall from the sky and still fold laundry, it is imperative that we find that vital element that brings us alive... the true vitality that waits beneath all occupations for us to tap into, if we can discover what we love. If you feel energy and excitement and a sense that life is happening for the first time, you are probably near your God-given nature. Joy in what we do is not an added feature; it is a sign of deep health."

Words well spoken! Well, as for my title of this blog, "The Book Begins", I'm putting my goal out there! I was given a journal by a dear friend of mine when I was 16 and since then I haven't stopped writing. When I write I'm at home in my Garden of Creation, my TRUE NATURE. When I write, I find purpose in the world, my God, and the human nature of others.

Many years ago a dear friend painted this painting that is posted when we’re blogging on Yahoo 360. I was immediately drawn to this wonderful masterpiece, because I saw ME. This is who I wanted to be, naked, uninhibited on my journey and at peace with the world. This is the cover of my book.

The Book Begins.........

note to self: You are a writer
note to reader: I need an editor

Where Was God? The Warrior/The Knight

(Picture from: http://theestherchew.blogspot.com/2010/07/we-need-more-knights.html)

I had to admit some COLD HARD FACTS about the person that I've been. This past year I've been truly PISSED OFF AT GOD. After being married to the Love of My Life and truly finding happiness I was injured of all things by my chiropractor. I then began the roller coaster ride of trying to find a cure for my severe pain. I saw Doctors, Physical Therapist, More Doctors, and then finally a Neurosurgeon. After countless pain medications, steroid injections, and many sleepless nights I had arrived at the inevitable, Surgery. I didn't admit it to myself then but I can admit it now, I was truly PISSED OFF AT GOD. I dare He put me in this situation, in pain, unable to sleep at times, basically a useless person to myself and to my family. An additional note my father was basically a vegetable waiting to die and yes he did all in this, "YEAR OF PAIN". Oh let's not forget to add to the "YEAR OF PAIN", my daughter had another surgery to move her pacemaker. As I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself, how did I make it through? I wanted to control the God I knew. I wanted my way, my time, my happiness, and all of that seemed like a dream that I would be unable to reach. I had married a wonderful man and my family was complete. I had a long list in my head of the person I thought I had to be, the PERFECT WIFE, the perfect HOUSEKEEPER, the perfect MOTHER, and the perfect COOK. Needless to say I could barely make it through some days, so I felt short of who I had to be. Too many " I's" can get you in trouble, God doesn't expect us to carry the weight of the world, that's His Job. (Thank Goodness)

If God doesn't do I's, what does God really do? God does what He wants to do! I have NO CONTROL OVER GOD and neither do any of us. I had somehow lost my way through the pain and was focused more on the " I's" than the one above. All I could see were the things that I couldn't do, for myself and for everyone that I loved. I truly realized how much pride I had in this year of pain. It was so difficult to let my husband do all the things I was supposed to do. He cooked, cleaned, and waited on me when I could barely move. In my mind I was supposed to be the one doing everything. Again, God had other plans, he showed me the meaning of a true loving relationship. My husband was being of service to me and taking care of me, something quite foreign to me at times in my life. When we married we vowed to serve one another for the rest of our lives. I guess I wasn't expecting to be the one who was primarily on the receiving end of that vow for the past year. My husband has loved and served me more than anyone has in my whole entire life.

In this YEAR OF PAIN,(we will call it) God has shown me HIS PURE AND TRUE LOVE. Truth is all of the pain and the trials and tribulations that I had in this year were necessary. Anyone who truly knows me knows that I'm not the "POOR ME" type of person, in fact my husband might say that I'm the Warrior Type. I've trained myself to be tough, I can still hear my mom saying to me, "Your Tough, You can handle Anything". I've been the warrior ready for battle adorned with A suit of armor, my breastplate protecting my fragile heart and my bucket like helmet to shield my mind. Let’s not forget the mighty sword always handy to ward off the demons. My Medieval Knight/Warrior was always ready for battle, believing she was so protected by shielding herself. God broke me free from this Heavy Shield of Armor and he continues to amaze me, more and more each day. Looking back I can't believe I was so angry at God and my circumstances.

As a child I thought I could control my parents being happy, my friends being happy, and my world being happy. In Psychology, we call this type of child, the HERO Child. The problem with being the "HERO" child is that we weigh the whole weight of the world on our shoulders. We think we provide the self worth for the whole family and we can keep everyone from knowing our horrible secrets. We are responsible for "Our Family Life" being happy and joyous. We make sure and do everything right so that everyone is happy. We experience feelings of guilt and inadequacy which we cover up by overachieving and people pleasing. My sister was "The Bad Seed”, so of course I had to be the "Good Seed". I was a child living with adult responsibilities and stresses and I always thought I could make things better, and I kept on trying. I had to be perfect, I had to be the best, I had to be the one who didn't drink and didn't have fun like my sister did. If you recall, "I was tough, I could handle anything" as my mother use to tell me. Being the HERO for both parents is and was completely exhausting. I no longer have to live like that, I no longer have to be perfect, because in God's eyes I'm wonderful the way I am scars and all.
(Much of the information about the hero child was taken from this website: http://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pageforty.html)

With both of my parents six feet under it's time to hang up my sword and take off my coat of armor. This guarded little 16 year old chooses to hang up her "Hero" hat and put on the hat I was meant to wear. My hat is made of sun kissed flowers and adorned with the green of the earth. I have entered the human race as a 43 year old woman who still has so much to learn about who she truly is and all the splendors of Life.



God never gave up on me, he was holding my hand and carrying me through out my life. It's only now that I'm FREE, FREE TO BE ME. It's almost as if I were a prisoner set free after many years of solitary confinement. I continue this Journey of the Creative Mind and I look forward to the work God wants me to do.

Note to self: it's amazing to wake up and realize I'm FREE
Picture Taken From: http://vi.sualize.us/artissimo/art,sketch/?waterflow

Gratitude

Thank you Lord for all the blessing in my life. I have a wonderful family, an amazing husband and two beautiful girls. I've recovered from a year of neck and arm pain and I'm now working on my health.

Lord you are always faithful!

My Friend's AA Birthday Card - Written by Me

I can't take credit for this wonderful peice of art, but I wish to share the website http://www.pomegranatedoyle.com/gallery
Something about the work speaks to my soul, BRAVO to your work I adore your pieces Pomegranate!

Letter to Friend: (She has 11 Years of Sobriety)
On this special day Remember; Never abandon your Dreams for they are the foundations of YOUR SOUL.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it, just as he has carried you, held your hand, and stroked your hair.
Isaiah 43:2 “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown, when you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you”
"Remember: It's ok to look back and see how far you have come, just don’t stare.”
Serenity is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it as you are molding your Serenity and Peace each and every day like an artist perfects his strokes.
"Remember; don't run so fast that your guardian angel can't keep up"
I will always be here for you, through the rivers of difficulty and the JOYS OF THE SUN. I see so much beauty inside you that is still waiting to come out. God is still molding you into HIS MASTERPIECE and HE is amazed and in AWE OF YOU.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Thank you for always being here for me and the girls, you are the BIG SISTER I look up to.

Walk Through The Hurt and The Pain - Not As We, As Me

Alanis Morissette - Not As We

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain

Unsure unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand

Feign brave with steel intent
little and hardly here

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
with not much making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If God's taking bets
I pray He wants to lose

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we

http://youtu.be/1pOjcAiMZO4

Link To Video



These lyrics means so very much to me, especially now that I'm recovering from neck surgery. I have started over so many times in my life drifting from bad memories to present and not making sense at all. I have been haunted from the past, "AS WE" resembles that dark child for me, as you can see in the video she is stroking herself this symbolizes the dark child. I'm not sure how many times I've been faced with dreadful thoughts and pains that no human being should have to go through. I never truly saw myself as a victim or martyr I felt like a Warrior or a Survivor. Many times I was lost, but God always FOUND ME, or should I say I found GOD AGAIN, and AGAIN.

You can't run from pain, you have to face it head on and walk through it. Oh my, how long has it taken me to realize this? GOD is the only ONE who has shown me this, but I'm grateful God sends us these wonderful people called HUMAN ANGELS. My human angel is my husband who has stood by my side through the trials and the tribulations, the highs and the lows, the sadness and the happiness. He made me realize I have to FACE it and he was right there with me holding my hand and God was holding the other one.
I have so much gratitude for MY LIFE exactly where I AM. God knows our hearts and he knows them so well.

- Rev Up Your Engine - LET IT FLOW

Taken From Heaven Letters:  http://www.heavenletters.org/turn-on-the-lights.html

God said:
Automatic. Love is automatic. Only you have stepped in and tried to boss love around. You want love to appear on signal. You want to dress it up. You want to whip it into shape.
The word love may be too much for you to handle. Then use the word care. Can you admit that you are a caring person? Can you tell Me that you do not care? You care a lot. Your caring may be skewed, but that you are someone who cares cannot be in dispute. You care deeply even for all that which you say you do not care about.
Perhaps as a child, you did not care about school. Or did you? Even in boredom and antipathy, you cared. You may have cared so much that you turned off your caring.
Later in romance, you cared so much that, when the one you cared about did not return your caring, your caring turned around into not caring.
Will you turn on the lights of your love once again, and just love, and love some more, and, now, in your heart and in your mind, greet all those you had turned your heart from. Allow yourself to care.
Care about yourself as well.
Some would call this caring the same as forgiving. Even erase forgiving, and just admit you care. If you had not cared, you would not have hardened your heart. A hardened heart is a heart that spoke. The heart said: “I will NOT care. I will cast this person or this event or series of events from my heart. I will evict whatever hurts from my heart of hearts. Period. I will not let someone or something stay within. I turn them out. I put up a sign in big red letters: ‘No admittance.’ I put up another sign: ‘Stay out.’”
And so you let discordance in. You close your heart and say: “Hardeners, welcome.” “Firmness, welcome.” “Fierceness, welcome.” “Ice, welcome.” “Grit, welcome.” “Sandpaper, welcome.” “Abrasion, welcome.” And, so, your heart becomes rust.

I HAVE A HEART OF GOLD, Now melt the gold of your heart so that it can once again flow through every corner of the world.
Your love can be silent. You can carry on love in silence. And yet your love will be heard. You will hear it. You will hear the rush and flow of love, and you will be inundated with it and the love in your heart will open its reserve, and the world will once again be the land of milk and honey. Flow gently, heart of love.
Your heart is meant to change the world. By the love flowing in your heart, the world will change. All your demands and insistence that the world reform are counter-productive. All your instructions are naught. All your knowing better how the world should turn is naught. All your superiority is naught. Love alone prevails.
Start with love. Start love up. Even if your heart has been like an antique car in the garage, turn that crank. Rev up that car. Zoom with it. Restore this garaged heart of yours and let it take off. Let it get going again. Turn on the ignition. Turn on the lights of your heart. Back out of the driveway, and then shift gears. Even an unused boarded-up heart can shift gears.

Note To God:  God, I will let my Antique Car out of the driveway and shine it right up.I may need a Tune Up but I have all the parts inside my hood. I CARE, MY HEART IS OPEN, I'm Reving up my ENGINE ready to go this Journey is my future what shall I find on my Journey?
A life filled with TRUE LOVE

Note To The Person's I have hardened my heart towards: Mom, Dad, Janelle (Sister), My high school friends, Katie, Kathy, Kellie, Kay, Claire, Crissy, Simone, Carol Anne, Lisa. My family, Aunt Jackie and Uncle Larry, Paw Paw and Maw Maw, Hailey, Chloe, Jason and Penny  and Most of all to MYSELF, no more self hatred

OPEN YOUR HEART REV UP YOUR ENGINE, here is my wild MUSTANG

Letter To GOD

Find this fine artist Thad Morgan:  http://www.facebook.com/people/Thad-Morgan/1016106085

                                         


 The Road of the less Traveled is the path I chose for most of my life, God has guided me on this same road to the Journey of my Creative Mind where I meet many travelers today and every day. In the past when I was traveling that old road I plowed down way too many fields and made my own road. Even on that old road I found love, faith, and my holy spirit. Today I'm one with my maker and my journey. The difference now is Jesus is my Best Friend, not the Holier than though man I thought he was.

 There were many battles on my old road but Jesus held my hand even when I was in doubt. He showed me the wonders of nature and the lights of the Sun. I was such a wanderer in my past life and I studied people and their behavior, mocking it at times. That old saying Fake it Till You Make It, well that was me. All the while My rose colored glasses didn't allow me to see the REAL TRUTH. Today I see that truth ever so clearly. I chose today to love and love abundantly who I am and who you are. I always believed in myself but I wasn't quite sure why I did. God made me to LOVE and share my gifts with the world. I have so much talent but I didn't truly believe in me as much as I do today.

  Today I chose not to RUN, I've traded in my track shoes for a DREAM that I'm living ever single day of my life. God may not give you exactly what you think you need but He will give to you in so many ways. God is running his fingers on my heart as if he were FINGER PAINTING IT.

Not to God: Thank you for carrying me, holding my HAND, brushing the hair away from my face, holding me tightly through my nightmares, sitting with me on the Train, watching me grow, and most of all Thank you for the Abundant LOVE you show me every day, you are my BEST FRIEND